The alarm programmed in my phone rings. Oh no, school; another long and tiring day of school. But I start thinking to myself; I still got 10 more minutes ‘till 7. As I do so the warmth and comfort of my blankets put me to sleep once again. 10 minutes pass…another 5 minutes pass. I am still sound asleep not knowing 15 minutes passed since I fell asleep. My mom comes in. Wake up. You need to get ready for school. As I do so I can already start feeling the shot of cold air surrounding my body. Almost as if I was being tangled by a snake. I can’t breathe. The cold air hurts my soar throat. As I struggle to get changed I remember, I need my mom to sign a permission slip. So I hurry up to get her signature. It’s
>"Warmth and Comfort" because as i read it i feel a warm feeling,
>"Tangled by a snake" because i gave the impression of no escape, and
>"Water falling from a waterfall" because it looks like water falling from a waterfall.
5 comments:
I thought this piece was really good. I like how you used many similies to compare simple things such as "I pour the milk onto my glass, like water falling from a waterfall." I thought that was really good.
I also liked how you repeated 5 minutes passed, 10 minutes passed. I thought it made your writing flow better and I could really picture what was going on in every scene.
I think the overall mood of this piece was unexcitement of going to school. I mean, who does want to come to school?
I also really liked your ending.
"And here we go again, a long and tiring day of school. as I come home I start thinking, I did this just so I can do this whole routine again tomorrow." It just stuck out. :)
I liked your writing a lot, especially becuase it reminds me of when i have to go to school * groan * . I liked all of the comparisons you made, they really added some feeling to your story. i think that some of your sentences are too short though such as: "So I do.". I think you could have either combined it with ur other sentence or gotten rid of it al together. over all this was a very good piece though! keep up the good work
I like the phrase that you use when you said cold shot of air in the morning because I have that too and it gets really annoying. Your ending was also really nice when you said that you were going to do this whole thing all over again. This piece of writing was very descriptive and you did a good job.
Jonathan,
Nice work. I think we can all agree that getting up in the morning is a chore for everyone. I can certainly relate to staying in bed and watching the clock tick. In that context, I found "warmth" and "comfort" to be effective descriptive words. "Long and tiring" are also good adjectives invoking the feeling you want to describe.
Mr. J
words:shot of cold air, tiring, comfort
why "shot of cold air" was effective:i think that the use of language explaining cold like a shot is really effective because it is the truth. I have an electric blanket that i turn on at night and so I know how it is to wake up and get out of bed and be freezing, it's a terrible feeling. Good job at conveying this. :]
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